Miss Mustang
by Gbaby808
Summary: Ranma like situation, plus our, or at least my favorite pyro based Alchemist from FMA equals a crack propelled story!


It was a normal day for Roy Mustang. There were paper to sign, and subordinates to yell at. Roy was getting cranky because papers for him to sign were just coming and coming.

"Why do you people just keep shoving random documents in my face!" yelled Roy, as Riza waved a packet of papers in his face.

"Roy. Maybe you have a lot of work because you, oh I don't know, PROCRASTINATE all the time!" yelled Riza, right back at him.

"I do not procrastinate!" retorted Roy.

"Yes you do!" argued Riza. The two of them just continued arguing.

"The chief and the lieutenant sure do argue a lot nowadays." said Havoc.

"Yeah. They should just get married and be done with it. I mean, they argue like they're married already." said Breda. Everyone mumbled their agreements, as they continued to watch the argument.

"How long can they go at it?" asked Furey.

"Who knows? It could go on forever knowing those two." replied Falman. The argument just went on and on.

"Oh, quit nagging me! That's all you women do. Nag, nag, nag!" said Roy.

"Excuse me! Nag! I _nag_ because I care!" screamed Riza.

"Or to be a pain. Personally, I think I'm right." said Roy, smugly.

"You… You… You jerk! You just don't understand!" screamed Riza.

"I understand just fine. You are just being overactive, so get over it!" (Wow. They do sound like a married couple!)

"Oh, he should _not_ have said that!" said Havoc. Everyone agreed. Riza got upset and walked away. "Jerk." said Riza, to herself. "Drama queen." said Roy, under his breath. Riza was the right one in this and Roy was going to learn a lesson soon. Very soon. Riza was at home that night, still upset. Roy was sleeping as if the day had gone perfectly.

The next morning, Roy was still sleeping when he should have been awake. He was going to be late… Then he woke up slowly, then realized the time. He franticly ran to the bathroom to get ready. He started to brush his teeth, then he looked in the mirror.

"WHAT THE HECK!" Roy screamed. He was looking in the mirror, but what he saw wasn't exactly good. He was a…woman! Talk about a Ranma ½ moment! He just stared at the mirror in horror.

"I-I'm a girl!" said Roy sadly. "What the! My voice! I even sound like a girl! Why _me_!" He was pretty much _all _woman on the outside. This scared him. A lot. Then he thought if he should go to work. No one would believe that he was the colonel. Not in _this_ body. But he decided to go anyway. He finished brushing his teeth, brushed his hair and changed into his uniform, which was now a little big for his girl body.

"This day is going to suck." said Roy sadly. He got to his office quickly and sat down. At least no one could see him here. Roy relaxed a little. Then all of his subordinates came bursting in, including Riza.

"Good morning, chief!" said Havoc. Then he looked at the person in the chair. A pretty girl with long dark hair and dark eyes was looking up at him.

"Oh. I thought you were colonel Mustang. Sorry!" said Havoc, not knowing that it _was_ the colonel. "By the way, what's your name. I'm sure a pretty girl like you must have a name." Roy thought that he would have fun with this.

"Hi, my name is Rachel. (It was the first name that popped into his head.) What's yours?" said Roy, trying not to laugh.

"My name is Jean. Jean Havoc. I'm a second lieutenant."

"Oh, really." said Roy, or should I say Rachel. "That's so amazing. I'm just a friend of Roy's. I don't work here."

"Oh. Really? Then I guess you wouldn't want to go on a date with me." said Havoc, getting ready to be rejected.

"Why not? You seem like a nice guy." said Roy, smiling.

"Really? You mean it? Great!" said Havoc. He finally found a pretty girl that _actually_ wanted to go out with him. The others were just watching, dumbfounded. Then "Rachel" started to laugh hysterically. Havoc looked very confused.

"I'm sorry Havoc! I just had to do that! It's me, Colonel Mustang."

"Huh? Funny joke. But the chief is a guy, last time I checked." said Havoc, disappointed.

"No Havoc. It's really me. I somehow got turned into a girl."

"The joke is starting to get old. Now where is Colonel Mustang?" said Riza.

"Lieutenant. It's me. Roy." said Roy, trying to convince his subordinates. "Really! I'll prove it to you guys! I'm Roy Mustang. Age 29. Single. Dreams of becoming fuher of the military." said Roy.

"Everyone knows that. Give it up." said Riza, angrily.

"Hey. I'll prove to you that I am Roy! I'll do alchemy." Everyone scoffed. Roy took his glove out of his pocket, put it on and snapped. Havoc had just put a new cigarette in his mouth and was about to light it. Then, a flash of alchemic flame surged out of his hands and lit Havoc's cigarette. Everyone was in shock. Havoc looked like he could just die.

"It really is you sir! I can't believe I doubted you. I can't believe I was _hitting_ on you!" said a very shocked Havoc.

"See. It _is_ me."

"What did you do you idiot!" scolded Riza.

"Why are you calling me an idiot?!" said Roy. They started to argue again.

"Yep. Now I'm sure it's the colonel. No one can argue with the lieutenant like that except for him." said Breda. Then they stopped arguing.

"This is what happened in my nightmare last night." said Roy.

"Really? So, what happened in your nightmare?" asked Riza.

"In my nightmare, I got turned into a woman, and I had to find someone, or something like that."

"Who did you have to find?" asked Riza.

"Uh, I had to find a girl that I can love and loves me back."

"Wow. Sounds like Beauty and the Beast." said Riza.

"I never _did_ like that movie." said Roy, scornfully.

"Don't worry sir, ma'am, Colonel. We'll help you. Right guys?" said Riza. Everyone agreed. They all wanted to help Roy. Plus, they didn't want to get Riza angry by disagreeing. She can do things. Scary things. And so the search for the special woman began. "So Roy. We need a list of all of the women you ever dated and their phone numbers."

"Oh, sure." Roy dug into his desk drawer and took out a long piece of paper. He handed it to Riza.

"You actually keep a written list of the women you've dated and their numbers?" asked Furey.

"Heh. You never know." said Roy, blushing. The list was divided up among the six people and they called the women on the list. But every time someone mentioned Roy's name, they hung up.

"Wow. I guess those women aren't very fond of you." said Falman. Roy sank into his chair sadly.

"I'm gonna be stuck like this forever!" said Roy, as he started to cry.

"Whoa. This is the first time I've seen him like that." said Falman.

"Oh, Roy. Don't cry. There's still hope. We'll get you back to normal. And if not, you do make a pretty girl." said Riza, as she put her hand on Roy's shoulder.

"But I don't wanna be a girl!" bawled Roy.

"Don't worry Roy. We'll fix this. Trust me." said Riza, reassuringly.

"Okay." said Roy, calming down from his crying. After work, Roy went to a bar to have a drink. Lots of guys were hitting on him. Roy hit every one of those men.

A week later, there was a big mission. Lots of fighting, but lets fast forward, shall we? Fighting, exploding, shooting. Here we go! Lets continue. Roy took a bullet for Riza. Very messy. He fell to the ground. Riza was shocked. The others arrived shortly. The bad guys were caught, (Yay!) and were being taken to jail. Roy was lying there, bleeding. (Which was the only thing he was doing.) Riza was sure that he was dead. The guys were so shocked, that no one spoke. Then Havoc broke the silence.

"He can't be dead. He was supposed to be president. He promised me women in miniskirts! I want my miniskirts!" said Havoc.

"I'm sorry Havoc. He's gone." said Riza. They all turned away from him. "Why did you have to go Roy? You could have been fuher. We'll miss you. I just wanted you to know that I love you." While Riza spoke, Roy was lying down, listening quietly, trying not to interrupt. Riza turned around to look at him one more time. When she did, Roy smiled stupidly and waved.

"That was a nice speech." said Roy. Riza gave him a dirty look. "I should run now, shouldn't I?" Riza chassed Roy down the street. Everyone watched as they yelled at each other. They stopped. Eventually. Afterwards, everyone went straight home. Roy slept like a log.

The next morning, Roy got up early for once, went to the bathroom and started to brush his teeth. Looking in the mirror, he was ready to see a girl staring at him. What he saw surprised him.

"I'm a guy again!" yelled Roy happily. Then he hugged himself. "I missed me _so_ much." Roy got ready quickly and got to work before everyone else. Everyone arrived at work a little after Roy. When they got there, the back of Roy's chair was facing them.

"Anything wrong Roy?" asked Riza. The chair spun around.

"No. I'm great actually." said Roy. Everyone was happy to see that Roy was a he again. "Lets celebrate tonight. Drinks on me!" No one could argue with that.

"I'm glad to see you as a _sir_ again sir." said Riza.

"Me to. By the way. I have a question. Exactly _how_ much do you love me?" asked Roy slyly.

"Right now. Not at all." said Riza.

"Oh, come on! I knew It was going to happen! There is no woman that can resist my charms." said Roy, annoyingly.

"What charms?" asked Riza.

"That was harsh. If it helps, I like you to. You got that whole "Charlie's Angel" kinda thing. I like that. Very attractive." said Roy.

"Oh really? Then you would find _me_ shooting _you_ in the head attractive. Am I right?" asked Riza.

"Is that trick question?" asked Roy. The guys just watched. Some things never change… But don't worry. On the inside, they both like each other very much!


End file.
